“Let It Snow”

(c) Katie Mattiuz 2015

(c) Katie Mattiuz 2015

Gadzooks and Egads had no clue what a Toronto was but it was where their ship had ended up.

“I told you we took a wrong turn at the Andromeda galaxy!” Gadzooks said in a language that wasn’t English.

“I put in the coordinates and this is where they led us!” Egads said in the same language.

“You clearly don’t know how to navigate!” Gadzooks said studying the nobs and dials of the craft’s GPS.

Their mission from the Supreme Commander was to explore the universe and find a suitable planet for seeding so that their race would be able to continue.

“This Toronto place is a barren wasteland!” Gadzooks said.

When they first landed they exited the ship and were greeted by a large sign that said, ‘Toronto’ with a seven digit number underneath. The sign was surrounded by what appeared to be travelling paths with moving metal boxes and greenish land in between. They kept the cloaking mechanism going on the ship and themselves as per the instructions in the manual for extra-planetary exploration.

“These metal boxes are so primitive, we can’t seed them. We need organic material,” Egads said.

“No kidding dumb-dumb!” Gadzooks said.

“Should we contact the Supreme Commander?”

“If she thinks we have screwed up in any way she will press the decommission button and we will be vaporized!”

“She can vaporize us here? We are a kabillion light years from home,” Egads said, thinking back to his training.

“Don’t you remember the story of Herpes and Gonorrhea? They ended up in the wrong star system and she vaporized them even before they contacted her!” Gadzooks said.

“So maybe we are in the right place.”

“But we can’t be, we just can’t. There are no organic life forms.”

Gadzooks turned off the GPS and awaited vaporization. He was hesitant to turn on the organic scan for fear that the Supreme Commander would be monitoring the ship, see where they were and end their mission, and them, for good.

“I think we should take a flight and see what else is here,” Egads said.

“I think we should get out of here. Nothing has appeared yet, and that is not a good sign,” Gadzooks said.

It was then that Gadzooks caught sight of the first white flake.

“Ah! What is that? We are being bombed!” Gadzooks said.

More flakes began to fall and Egads conducted an external scan of the ship.

“I don’t think we are being attacked. The ship’s defense alarms would be going off,” Egads said. “You see? Nothing is coming up. It is sensing life forms a few meters from here.”

The snowfall began to thicken.

“Nonsense! Why else would these white pellets be falling from the sky! We are under attack! Man the lazers! Put the shields to max! We are being bombarded!”

“This is not what you think it is,” Egads said.

“It is so! This is certain death! We will not survive this metal and gray travel path planet! This godforsaken Toronto! No wonder the beings here have developed such thick outer skeletons! We are doomed!”

Egads floated to the exterior door and exited the ship as Gadzooks continued his rant, which had devolved to simple grunts and screams. He made his way to the front of the ship and stared through the window at Gadzooks. The snowfall was heavy but the flakes melted when they hit his travel suit. He took his helmet off and stuck out his large, green tongue-like organ from his feeding orifice.

“What are you doing! You will be destroyed! These Toronto’s are shelling us!” Gadzooks said into the intercom.

“It’s nothing but a moist substance. It doesn’t even survive when it meets my body,” Egads said into his suit’s mic. “It tastes sweet, like the beings from the last planet we were on. It is not as crunchy but I could make a meal out of this. Come out and try it!”

“Get back inside! We don’t know the after effects!”

Egads continued his exterior exploration and Gadzooks calmed. He watched his travel partner who displayed all of the signs of what people on this Toronto planet would call happiness, though because he hadn’t encountered or eaten any of them yet, there is no way for him to know this. He decided to join Egads outside.

“I believe I will join you!” Gadzooks said.

“I think we are in the right place. The coordinates took us here and the Supreme Commander would have vapori – ”

The last thing Gadzooks saw before his physical being dissolved was Egads disappearing into nothingness as the white dots filled in his window faster and heavier.


About jtkwriting

Writer living in Toronto. "Sneak out of your window darling, let's live like outlaws honey." View all posts by jtkwriting

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