Last Caress, Chapter Nineteen

Chapter 19

Do you ever think about how the world will end? The idea of the apocalypse intrigues me. We work and fight every day to make it to the next one but one day – be it by our own hand or mine – it will be over for each of us. And baring that, the world will eventually be swallowed by the sun and everything we are doing and have done won’t matter. I’ve struggled with this, but because of everything I have done in the last twenty years it has also helped take away some of guilt of my actions. “Eventually the sun will do it for me,” I’ve thought. It only helped temporarily mind you because the ultimate end is still millions or billions of years away allegedly, but one day my actions won’t matter.

This brings up another question as well. What is the true definition of a beginning and an end? The Smashing Pumpkins have a song about it or at least a title, but isn’t every end a beginning and every beginning also an end? Beyond our literal first and last days, doesn’t the world end every time we fall asleep and begin again every time we wake up?

I think the beautiful part of the beginning and end of things is the middle. I remember reading “Ghost Story” by Peter Straub and there was a quote – I’m totally paraphrasing here – about how the characters were in their “glory” years. The part of their lives that they would look back on someday with a glint in their eye, even though they were so immersed in their lives at the time they never consciously had any time to think of them as anything other than mundane and routine laden. And this always brought me back to the ideas of the beginning and end. And as confusing as it is, my only conclusion is that every beginning is an end, and every end a beginning, and everything is really just one big middle. Everything is one. Every day is the birth and death of the universe and every day is the apocalypse for someone.

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About jtkwriting

Writer living in Toronto. "Sneak out of your window darling, let's live like outlaws honey." View all posts by jtkwriting

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