Last Caress, Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Do you pray? Like legitimately, on your knees, eyes closed, hands pressed and pointing up, pray? I might have when I was younger, but I can’t remember doing it in the last 40 years. If you do, who do you pray to?

I have always felt prayer is a cop out. Maybe that’s because I’ve never been in a place where I actually thought it might work, but I wouldn’t have any clue who or what was hearing my thoughts of if they could even be heard. Prayer is giving up, isn’t it? It’s giving up our side of hope to something else. If we do that then we can’t necessarily be upset when those prayers aren’t answered. We need to hold onto our side of the hope agreement and put that hope into action. Fate is real but it is entirely created by us and those that have put us here. Two people made a decision to allow us to live and we make the choices within that life and the decision to keep living, which all lead us to our continually created fate.

I am so confused right now. This isn’t where I thought this part of this letter would go as I am in way over my head. Yes, I read a lot and have come across some pretty interesting theories but life philosophy isn’t a forte. But it has helped with respect to my decision to keep going. Would it have been fair to end myself before my contract thus sealing my fate and, apparently yours along with it?
After I started this work, I didn’t start to pray because what if I heard an answer back? What if I was doing what I was doing and closed my eyes one night and was told to stop? What if everything I had every believed to be real was bullshit and vice versa?
I think what I believe in is light. Literally, light. I watched some of the updated version of the TV series, “Cosmos”, originally done by Carl Sagan and now hosted by his protégé Neil deGrasse Tyson. My main take away (to mince their words, theories, facts, and ideas) is that everything relates to light. It is the great equalizer of the universe and we can only see certain parts of it in the visible spectrum. More importantly it helps us see everything. So no matter what people believe, light is the only truth that allows them to see it, and for that belief to have been created in the first place. But what about those who cannot physically see? Once again I have stumbled into territory where no amount of light can make the answers appear.


About jtkwriting

Writer living in Toronto. "Sneak out of your window darling, let's live like outlaws honey." View all posts by jtkwriting

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