This spring and summer I’ve taken myself to the movies on a semi-regular basis. Most of those times I’ve gone with my friend Alex. Most of those times we’ve seen movies we would rather never see again. There have been a couple movies where we’ve almost willed a time machine into existence because we did in fact lose the 90-120 of our lives. A couple, however, haven’t been that bad. Here goes:
The Avengers: So far, the best movie of the year. Excellent marks for characters, screen time, comedy. Very good marks for story. Alex thought it was “super-fun”. Marvel succeeded because they took each major character and spent the time with them and their own 2-ish hour origin stories/films, which made this movie a helluva lot easier to make and to make well. If they just came out and made The Avengers without those origin story movies, this movie would have been a 15-hour clusterf*ck leading to “the great ass-numbing epidemic of 2012”. Success was had here. Ass-numbing avoided. Now to see what happens when The Dark Knight Rises makes its appearance.
Men in Black III: Not bad, but not good. Not shit, but not amazing. It’s a movie. We didn’t feel as though we gained or lost anything here. It was basically a, “I might as well see it because I’ve seen the first two” kinda movie. Josh Brolin was a highlight. I haven’t researched whether he actually did his own voice or whether they dubbed TLJ’s over his, but I can’t see JB signing on for a role only to have his voice over-dubbed. If I were him I wouldn’t even start with his successful career as a reason to let him use his own pipes. I would just use the, “my dad is Mr. Babs” card. Mr. Babs = with Barbra Streisand. Either way, JB sounds exactly like TLJ, which is pretty awesome. Will Smith is MIB Will Smith. Bottom line: Had to be seen to complete the trilogy, now please be done with making these movies. Thank you.
The Dictator: Meh.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Disgusting. As in: It’s really disgusting not how bad this was – it was bad, Alex said, “Worst Movie Ever!” which also means, “NOT super-fun!” – but what was disgusting was how much better it could have been. It was written by Seth Grahame-Smith who also wrote the novel, which I have not read. I do understand how novels must be changed to make movies, but going from a well-reviewed novel to a lacking movie is super disappointing. It felt campy, but not in a fun way. It was forced. Forced hard. Picture the moon being squeezed out of your ass or Tom Cruise saying he’s hetero. Yes, it was that forced. *Shakes head* Pathetic.
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World: Better than the three directly above it, but the end could have used some tweaks. SPOILER ALERT! I’m glad they did all die at the end. If the world didn’t end then I would have taken the shit I should have taken on the screen at Abe Lincoln here, because the ending of the world is the only thing that made the end of the movie make sense. Overall: Cute. Even the parts where the human race descends to become the flagrant bunch of assholes that we can all be sometimes. I’d even give it a re-watch. Alex said she cried at one point. Not sure when, but I think it was near the end.
Ted: Funny. Sometimes witty. Story was kinda meh, but there were some parts I was surprised by. The Flash Gordon stuff wasn’t a big deal for me, as I was never a Flash Gordon fan, but, still, funny. I would recommend it to people to watch and get some laughs. It won’t change your life. It won’t ruin your life. It will make you laugh. Especially the part where Mark Wahlberg lists all the hick girl names. Oh wait, that was in one of the trailers. Shit. There’s other funny parts though. The shit on the carpet is funny and that’s not in the trailer so go watch Ted for the shit on the carpet part. Enjoy!